Lost & Clueless..

I dont get it at all...
I told you my troubles, dislikes, and insecurities
somehow things are just the same
felt like you didnt really bother what I told you..
you just repeat the same mistake over and over again...
-I hope to solve it together..but..seems like I need to solve it on my own..-

We made a promise
You used to never forget any of our promises
Slowly, you began too forget it after a month..then a week..
Now.. within few minutes you can totally forgotten about it..
You said "ok" but then later on you'll never ask nor inquire me about it
-I'm really happy when you gave me positive respond..but it soon bring me down with your feedback and action..felt like a simply answer just to make me be in fantasy for a moment-

I waited for you each night
Each night after work.. I'll wait for you..
to tell me about your days.. tell me stories..
chat with me .. just a moment to show me you missed me
but every single time you'll be occupy by your friends
you'll never stay put to one conversation with me
but look at other sides or walk to elsewhere
which I guess is much more entertaining for you..
I waited..till I get really tired each morning.. not even sure why I waited...
-there's not a moment you came, looking for me wanting me chat with me so much..no...-

My moment with you
When I finally get to be with you..
when you're not occupied by your friends..
I felt really happy..
I would find each and every opportunity just to be with you
watch over again a comedy show just to see you laugh
but soon you got tired .. now, I rarely seen and hear you laugh
not here..but elsewhere where I cant see it anymore...
We'll keep comparing each other mistakes and got into an arguement
I try not to talk about it anymore.. as I rather not make you angry or be in a bad mood..
-I can only kept worrying and fret what is coming next the moment you left and be another you-

Its your freedom
I just let you do what you want now...
You didnt really notice my thoughts or feelings on it
You didnt like being tied up..
so, I'll just sort this on my own...
You've your life there... I'll just try to occupy myself with other thing
I guess this will be better so that you can have your own space
without me bothering you much about it..
-up to you..is all I can say..I didnt really mean it but somehow I dont have a choice.. If I disagree or disapprove you'll do it or go anyway-
I try not to be so happy as I know soon it'll be gone
Just a tiny bit will be enough so that later on it'll not hurt so much


19 Mac 2013, you said you were reading.. I say with full of enthusiasm lets work hard together for our future
In my mind you were studying hard and I'm working on my work.. It gotten late so I called you to ask you to take a break and continue your study tomorrow.. but I was in great despair...when you answered my call and say you were playing badminton...I dont know what to say .. guess it was me who thought and hoped for so much.. even after midnight you can go out to play with your friends.. I was quite a fool thinking we were working hard together at the same time.. I dont know what else to say so I just when to bed, where I lied there each time .. and cry before I can really get to sleep...